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03 April 2005 @ 04:21 pm
An explanation  
For the last month or so, it seems, I have been pretty negligent with my LJ and my LJ friends. For this I apologize. Without going into detail, there have been a few things going on in my life that have been causing me great stress. Sorry about the no details...I'm just tired of rehashing everything.
It seems that I'm fine with a major crisis, but when several smaller things hit me at once, It tends to drive my already high blood pressure through the roof.
When I'm under alot of stress, I tend to become somewhat introverted and very introspective. This year is maybe the year I will figure myself out. LOL.
I try to always be there for anyone who needs me, try to always be fair, try to take on problems for folks and help the best way I can. So...I'm trying to search myself and review my actions and figure out why, in the past 3 weeks, three people that I care about have used the phrase "I don't want to be in the middle" or "I hate being in the middle". I never ask people to 'Take sides' or even hint at it...I think that only magnifies a problem. However, even though I never asked, it still hurts to have that said to you...it leaves you feeling like you really aren't special or important enough to commit to.
Anyhoo...the stress has at least caused me to start back at the gym...cardio only for awhile (heart problems run in my dad's side of the family). Dad died of an abdominial aortic aneurysm and the docs said that his problems can be inherited especialy by male children. Lately, I've been thinking more seriously about this and plan on taking any steps I can to eat, exercise and live a more healthy life...hence the worry about smoothing out the stress in my life.
So...if I post very little or nothing at all for awhile...or respond or comment to your posts seldom if at all, don't take it personally...okay?
Love to all.
mark: fuzzykishenehn on April 3rd, 2005 08:26 pm (UTC)
**biggest of all possible hugs**

You take care, my friend ... and c'mon back when you're ready.
Markboywondermark on April 3rd, 2005 09:07 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Mark...you're a sweetie. I'll take that hug and raise you another.
Jaseslavetopassion on April 3rd, 2005 08:33 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry.

Markboywondermark on April 3rd, 2005 09:08 pm (UTC)
~Hugs~ Thanks, Baby Boy!
Aurélienorey on April 3rd, 2005 09:47 pm (UTC)
huggles and much much love. :-)
Markboywondermark on April 3rd, 2005 10:27 pm (UTC)
Merci, Aure! Much love back.
Treed1979a_trick_mind on April 3rd, 2005 09:56 pm (UTC)
You are clearly a wpecial person.

Hugs from

Tim and Rick
Markboywondermark on April 3rd, 2005 10:28 pm (UTC)
Thanks, guys...right back atcha. :)
Milambermilamberrex on April 3rd, 2005 09:58 pm (UTC)
Markboywondermark on April 3rd, 2005 10:29 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Rex. *Huggles back*
DkonFrostdkonfrost on April 3rd, 2005 10:26 pm (UTC)
hang in there...i'm thinkin about you!
Markboywondermark on April 3rd, 2005 10:30 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Adrian.
I think of you and everyone, but don't get to the point of typing it out.
Urban Rebelurbanrebel on April 3rd, 2005 11:07 pm (UTC)
Ya know, I think I'm kind of the same way. With a big crisis, I seem to be able to focus on what's important and just sort of go into overdrive and do what I need to do to handle it. But when smaller things start hitting me from different directions, it can throw me off balance and I get to the point where I feel like I'm spread too thin, withdraw and want to run from everything until I can regroup and figure things out.

I'm not trying to make this about me! LOL. I'm just trying to let you know how you are feeling is totally understandable and it's OK to take the time to regroup if you need it. Take care of yourself, Mark.
Markboywondermark on April 4th, 2005 12:14 am (UTC)
Thanks, Russ! I knew you were empathizing, silly! LOL.
I'm glad to know that someone else gets it! ~hugs~
james__sndchasr on April 3rd, 2005 11:10 pm (UTC)
I hope everything works out ok for you. I read your entry and I could have written it myself so I understand how you feel. I haven't written a real entry in a long time.

you take the time you need to do what is best for you. We will be here when you are ready

Markboywondermark on April 4th, 2005 12:15 am (UTC)
Well...if you could have written it yourself, James...YOU take care of yourself too...okay?

*hugs back*
(no subject) - sndchasr on April 4th, 2005 03:35 am (UTC) (Expand)
Glenn: Little Jimmyrestoman on April 3rd, 2005 11:20 pm (UTC)
I hope it all works out for the best.

*Big Hug*
Markboywondermark on April 4th, 2005 12:16 am (UTC)
Thanks, guy! Big hugs are great! *big hug back*
crazynluvinboy on April 3rd, 2005 11:21 pm (UTC)
I've been bogged down with school and looking for jobs and finding a driver instructor for just 2 hours cuz my road test is May 3rd and I had a breakdown last weeek cuz it was a month since Bard passed away but I'm really ancy of gettign a job, money for a car, clothes, shoes, I ahven't been able to work out cuz I haven't been home cuz I've been driving and doing errands and I really miss having a boyfriend and I wish the best for you Mark..I Love You Big Brother
Take Care Snuggles
Love always

<3<3 Matt <3<3
Markboywondermark on April 4th, 2005 12:18 am (UTC)
OH NO, Matt! Sounds like you need a break yourself, hon!
*Snuggles and love back to Little Brother*
kaijuman on April 3rd, 2005 11:48 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad you posted this. I don't think anyone could take personally you not posting... but as friends we do begin to wonder. And it's really good to hear (er.. read) what's going on.
I think it's fantastic that your exercizing. God knows I need that motivation now myself - and for almost the same reasons.
The benifits can only be positive.
(and hey, just think how hot you'll look - LOL)

I think it's always a positive thing when you can break away from the computer (or tv, or video games) and do something that's constructive with your life. It makes one feel more fulfilled, and when you DO come back on line, you've got something positive to report to everyone.

I hope things go on an improved path for you.
Always look forward to hearing from you.

Markboywondermark on April 4th, 2005 12:20 am (UTC)
Y'know...I wonder about how you are feeling often, Phil, but can't get my ass motivated enough to write...I DO apologize for that! You are such a sweetheart, y'know that?!

*HUGZ back*
turtleinashell on April 4th, 2005 01:27 am (UTC)
I have noticed your absence, thought about emailing, but didn't want to pry. You're a very special, very caring guy. It's tough when people say they "don't want to be in the middle." A lot of times, it means they don't want to be bothered with something, or maybe they're too close to it themselves, maybe. Don't get too introspective, though I understand it. We just love you the way you are, and we don't want you changing too much on us. ::: huggles :::
Markboywondermark on April 4th, 2005 02:05 am (UTC)
Thanks for the words, Paul. You're a sweetie. *HUGS*
A.M.: mellowultimategirl on April 4th, 2005 02:00 am (UTC)
~hugs tight~ Take as much time and space as you need, hon. Let me know if you need anything.
Markboywondermark on April 4th, 2005 02:06 am (UTC)
Thanks, Anne. Let me know if you have anymore SIMs needs...Okay?! :)
(no subject) - ultimategirl on April 4th, 2005 02:11 am (UTC) (Expand)
Willotownkidsonic on April 4th, 2005 02:28 am (UTC)
Don't stress, sometimes life happens.
Markboywondermark on April 4th, 2005 12:10 pm (UTC)
It certainly do! Thanks! :)
(Deleted comment)
Markboywondermark on April 4th, 2005 12:12 pm (UTC)
Re: Oh! The Speed of Red
Thanks, Trey! As always...you are a sweetheart! I may have to send you those darn speedos! :)